Yes, this is Tootie from The Facts of Life, lol! In so many ways I'm just like her; sweet, somewhat naive, and a hopeless optimist. I must admit, being in this state feels so good because you're often blind to the obvious and have no idea that there are things around that could hurt you. I guess I've kind of stayed like this because I give so much of myself to the people I love and I'm often devastated when I'm let down. Slowly, I'm moving into more of a mindset to where I'm looking out for me and my daughter only - just because I can't handle any more let downs.
I've always been optimistic that I will be some one's true love and that they will want to be with me for who I am. I know we all are victims of this pipe dream - it's a dream we are sold even before we're able to date and fall in love (happily ever after stories and what-not). But, slowly I'm starting to realize that the 'forever love' type scenario is only destined for certain people. Sadly, I'm not one of them. I've been a good friend, a good girlfriend, a great buddy, but not someone worth fighting for or keeping around. I've been that person more times than I can count and frankly, I'm tired of putting myself in that predicament.
Reflecting and knowing all of this has lead me to call it quits on thinking that true love is for me. After a hard cry last night and lots of thinking, I'm never going to allow myself to be with or give my heart to anyone else. I'm tired of never being good enough for the fight. My daughter loves me dearly and without any reservations, and until I stop breathing...that's all I need.
Okay, I'm done venting....
Smooches
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