Thursday, October 6, 2011

Big Shirley and other things

Good morning everyone!  HAPPY FRIDAY EVE!!!!  I'm actually glad it's almost Friday, this week has been too much for me.  First week of classes, my workouts did not exist, I'm trying to focus more on foods that feed my body and not my desires...yadda, yadda, yadda...

Anywho...I did something this morning...I introduced Brian to my inner and outer fat girl...Shirley.  Shirley is the beast who can eat everything in sight without thinking.  Well this morning we were in bed, I was on my phone looking at the Groupon's for today and low and behold it was for cupcakes.  My hopeful little skinny chick, Anya (I'll introduce her to you guys later) had a little quick dialogue
Anya: nope, we don't need cupcakes!  Feed your body, not your desires girl!
Me: True, let's get of this mess right now!
Anya: Yes, I concur.
Me: puts my phone down besides me, while still laying down I remind you.
Shirley: Bitch, I'm gonna get these damn cupcakes!!!  Hell, I'm not starving for no body! Proceeds to use my elbow to purchase said Groupon.
Me: Oh wait let me get my phone...
Brian: You just bought a Groupon?
Me: No I didn't, I couldn't have...
Brian: Oh yes you did!!!  $10 for something (he proceeds to read the shame that is now on my phone and in my Groupon account) $10 for $20 worth of cupcakes!!! 
Me: I didn't want that Groupon (proceeds to tell him about Shirley)
Brian: Big Shirley wanted those cupcakes!!!  (he added Big, not me!  I would never call her out like that).
Me: Stop, I'm offended - I didn't tell you about Shirley to exploit me and hurt my feelings.
Anya: Oh no, how did that fat bitch buy some damn cupcakes!
Shirley: Skinny Bitch, you will never appreciate those cupcakes as much as I do!!!!
Me: You two stop it!! We have to work together you guys!
Brian: Damn, Big Shirley wasn't playing!!!

{End Scene}

Now, do you see the type of morning I had y'all?!?!?!  I'm exhausted and now the proud owner of $20 worth of cupcakes for $10

And I'm out this MF!


  1. ok, can I say that this is super funny, but I am all to familiar with that struggle! as for the Groupon, you can return it and they will refund your money. I just did a return last week on something, no questions no excuses honey-get rid of those cupcakes and use that money to buy you some Naked Smoothies or something worthwhile.

    Here is the link for Groupon's Return Policy:

    Good Luck!

  2. this is super funny, but I am all to familiar with this kind of exchange! FYI though, you can return that Groupon if you R-E-A-L-L-Y dont want it. I did a return last week on something and there was no questions asked. You do have to do the return today though...NO WAITING! So there you go: no excuses. Return that thing and use that $10 bucks to buy some Naked Smoothies or something else worthwhile!

    Here is the link for the Groupon Return Policy:

    Good Luck keeping BIG SHIRLEY under control!

  3. That is hilarious. Lina (Inner Fatty and person you meet when I am about to fight) Myself and Jhane (Skinny Broad) had about this barbeque a coworkers husband brought in. Lina waxed!!!Jhane then proceeded to run on the treadmill for an hour when my daughter took a nap! Lina gets to have all the fun and Jhane makes me pay...

  4. LMAO that is hysterical. You can maybe help out Anya by giving the cupcakes to a friend for their birthday, or donating them to a kids birthday party? I feel your pain, except my vice is more of the salty variety ... oy.

  5. So how did the cupcakes taste....I bet they were good as hell!!!

  6. @Brown English Muffin
    Girl, I haven't gotten those things yet, but when I do Shirley better be damn happy!! I've been so busy, just neglecting my little blog 0_o
    how have you been?


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