It's time to face up to my mistakes, plan and move on. I was no angel my first "official" week of this birthday challenge. Usually, I just wipe out the prior week and start over again without acknowledging what I've done. Not this time, I'm stopping the cycle of denial. I did wrong; from Zaxby's to Burger King to those Dayum Kebler Elves! I did it, no one to blame but me. But, today is the beginning of a new week and I've decided to make some sort of a plan to get those extra pounds off. So here it goes...
1) Water, water, water - no less than 64 oz each day
2) Oatmeal for breakfast every morning - keeps me full until my early afternoon snack
3) Lean Cuisines for lunch and dinner - I'm very busy this week. LadyBug's Spring Break, CEO's birthday, exams X2, and searching for a new shell. With all that said, I don't have time to do much cooking.
4) Cardio on Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday
5) Eating out is at the bare minimum - taking CEO and Ladybug out for a birthday dinner and that should be it.
6) NO BINGING!!!! I don't care how bored I become. Absolutely NOT!!
Will post my progress each day with a caloric breakdown from Calorie king.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Results of Week 1…Not good at all!!!
Starting Weight: 208.4 lbs
Current Weight: 210.80
Total Loss/Gain: 2.4 gain
I’ll post my failures, successes and game plan for this week tonight.
------>goes to hang my head in shame…
Sunday, March 28, 2010
You know what I forgot!
I forgot to post my Starting weight! No, I didn’t forget I just didn’t want to post it. I’m ashamed of myself. Because at 208.5 lbs I am obese!!! Obese I tell you!!! The end…
How do I?
That's a question that I've been asking myself for a while now. How do I reverse all the bad things that I have done to myself? How do I deal with the fact right now I can only move but so fast to reach my goals? How do I make myself feel beautiful and worthy of good things? How do I handle frustrations? How do I vanish my doubts? and a biggie question for me; How do I get over the anxiety of failing?
For the past month or so, I've had so much anxiety building up that I want to close myself off from my dreams so I don't have to face the fact that I might fail. Why is it so much easier giving up than sticking it out and giving it the biggest fight that I have inside of me? At the very moment I feel defeated, I run and try to cover my face so it can't see my fear! When will I learn how to fight?!?!? I'm not without support systems, but I just don't know how to ask for the support I need. Some days I find myself crying because my heart is so full; but I'm not quite sure if this is me or the new hormones that taking over my body (long story). I just want to do what's right, but I find it easier to please others and do the right thing for them instead of me. I'm moving at a turtle's pace and I truly hate it. But, then I think back to the story to realize the turtle finished the race. No matter how slow, or hard, or tiring, or boring, he finished the race and won it!! It seems that because I'm so uncomfortable in this spot, it's reflecting on how I deal with my life and insecurities. I mean, let's face it; we all have insecurities, but man, can I just have a front until I can sort some of them out?
I'm in the process of cleaning my apartment for a move. I'm tired of living there, maintenance sucks and it doesn't feel like home anymore. I am also cleaning my emotional and physcial house! I'm not happy in the state that I'm in right now and it's time to move. I'm the only person that can do it, and I know it's going to be a lonely road. Am I ready? How hard will it be? At times, I want to be sheltered by him so I don't have to go it alone. I ask him questions to reassure myself that I am okay. I drill him about my position in his life so I can feel more confident. I hope that he doesn't see my flaws, but I know he does. I find it hard to believe that it doesn't bother him, but I hope that he can see the future and not who I was or who I am. It's who I'm becoming that counts. I hope that she will be proud of me for my accomplishments. I hope that she will look up to me and try her best to be better than me. I hope she knows how much I want to set my bar high for her, so she can acheive great things, because I dream to look up and see her bar above me. I hope that one day she will read this and know who I was and who I have become.
And...him, if you are reading this - I miss your comments so much!
Keeping an agenda
This is a new week with old goals and new inspiration. My birthday is ten weeks away. That gives me an abundant amount of time to lose 10 lbs (a pound a week). That gives me ten weeks to stick to something so that I can make some headway with my list. On my last post I didn’t elaborate on my plans, just the skeleton. I ventured to Target today and bought two biggest loser DVDs, on sale for $9.00 – Happy dance.
On to the other goals, STUDY, STUDY, STUDY!!! That will be my life for the next few weeks. I will be at my desk in the afternoons working on my craft. If accounting is going to be my life then I’m must put the effort into it. No more putting it on the back burner. I can only take this one day at a time! No other way for me to put it .
On a lighter note, I had a date last night. A wonderful movie and dinner date; and I’m so happy!!! Sad that tomorrow is Monday, but since I’m starting to get my focus on…BRING IT ON!!!!!
Beginning of the…beginning, I guess…
I am declaring that by my birthday, May 25, I will be down 10 lbs!!!!
Starting weight: 205.8
Plan: 30 day shred 3 days a week, cardio 3 days a week
Take pictures and post what I eat (the budding food blogger)
and the….
New New…and some self discovery
Well, it’s been a few days since the last post. So far, I enjoy blogging about things other than my weight loss journey (although that is an integral part of why I’m doing this). It’s a long and hard process, I’m sick of it right now and I haven’t even started all the way. What is my problem? I’m just at a point now where my patience is running thin; who am I kidding it’s always been then. Where in the hell is my patience…good time to write a letter begging for my patience to come back.
Dear Patience,
Where are, where have you been? I hope all is well, but right now I really need you. I need you to be there for me and help me through my trials and what not. This is impossible without you, but I know that I have to make an effort to get you here. Okay, I’m going to lay everything out on the line; I’m failing at this and I can’t possibly see myself doing it; unless you are here with me. I’ve taken you for granted so many times and now I’m all in. I’m all in, Patience. The only other component I need is you.
Signed,
Mitzi
Okay, there it is – let’s see if this brings her back.
Oh, and let’s not forget about the NEW NEW…presenting the NEW Toot!!!
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