How can I say this...

Seven years ago today she left me...the person who knew me the best...the person who could say anything to me and I would listen...the person who made me feel okay about my mistakes...the person who could brighten my day with a foot rub...the person who took care of me when I was a baby...scolded me when I was a child...loved me during my rebel years...protected me from my mom when she was going to spank dat behind...the person who I shared many memories, loving conversations, and great advise. 

Dear Sylvia,

You were more than a Grandmommy to me, you were my best friend.  You were my company and my understanding.  There were times when I'd shut down and retreat from the world because I felt left out, you were my sanctuary.  You taught me the value of being open and kind, you taught me that love is more than a word...it's the warm feeling you send to others who are around you.  You encouraged me to be who I am even though others encouraged me other wise.  You let me know that in a perfect world, people and things will always be imperfect and that's the way it should always be.  You taught me to strive to be the best me I could be.  You rubbed me when I was sick, you laughed at me when I was silly, and you share your stories with me when I needed an example of when to be thankful.  You passed down a legacy of love and faithfulness that I could never imagine learning from anyone so giving. 

Grandmommy, it's been so long since I've talked to you - I ache because I long to hear your voice.  I wonder if death's purpose is to make us realize that we have hold inside of us more than what's tangible...we have memories that sustain us in the absence of our loved ones.  I know that you have taught me this; being me is exactly what I should strive for in life. I can't deny how much I miss you and how much I want you here with me.  Just to have you for a while would be fine, or just to know that you still watch over us will be all that I need.

So, on this day seven years ago I said good bye to you; my friend, my love, my protection, my little piece of joy.  I will always love you grandmommy and I will make sure that Mia knows all there is to know about her great-grandmommy who loved her so.  And I will carry you with me always - inside the heart that you nutured and showered with your undying love. 

Love always,
Mit

Whenever you're ready

The boo-thang has been talking (for some time now) about starting a blog.  I love the blog world, I've met (well not actually in person) so many great people and it's fun to read about someone's alternate points of views.  I think if Brian had a blog, it would be really interesting to see what he comes up with.  So everyone, let's encourage Brian to get started on his blog!!!!

We're ready when you are babe!!!

You...

Dear Ladybug:

You're such a big girl now!  Wow, second grade??  I can't believe how fast you're growing up, right before my eyes.  I just want to tell you how special you are; I never imagined how much the universe could bless me with such a wonderful little person.  When you were born, all I could say was 'Wow, is she really mine?'  Your intelligence and beauty is unmeasured, in my book; and seeing you go into school on the first day with such confidence and determination brought tears to my eyes.  On your first day of second grade, you walked quickly in front of me unable to contain your excitement for the upcoming school year.  You told me that if you get letter grades this year to only expect one: ALL A's!!!  You told me you were sad about missing your drop in on the previous day, but it was okay because all teachers are nice!  You told me you hope some of your friends are in the class with you so you would have someone to talk to.  I quickly said, school is not for talking, it's for learning little girl!  You just looked at me and said, "MOOOOOOOMMMMMYYYYYYY!!!!". 

You have shown only the tip of your ice burg, and I can guarantee there are big things in your future.  You can really be anything you want to be Ladybug, and if you work hard enough and strive for excellence everyday - nothing is insurmountable.  A little piece of advise for you - difficult does not mean impossible, never let anyone tell you that you can't accomplish what you set out to do, even if those words come from people you love.  Also, never lose sight of the most important individual on this planet, even the universe...YOU!!!  Keep her happy, healthy, striving, and unstoppable!!!

You are so loved, that you have no idea....

 

Weekend re-cap

Thursday night we decided to venture out to The Oyster Bar for some good eats!! Let me just say...it was sooo good. Reasonably priced and fresh oysters. What more could a girl want?!?!






They didn't survive long enough for a picture.






They shuck them in front of you!






Brian eating chowder






My shrimp and grits...not how I usually take them but pretty good






These were amazing. Oysters with Alfredo sauce, cheese, and bacon ... Orgasmic






Happy tummy!!!
Moving on to Saturday, we got drunk...nuff said...












And then Sunday...I got this...






Yup!!!!
Happy Monday!!!!!!!

The straw that will break the camels back...

This is part Deaux of yesterdays blog post about when to seek help.  That was a big step for me, since I was always aprehensive about seeking outside help for our relationship issues, but they have become too much for me to work out on my own.  Not to go into the details about the problems we're having, but they have a great deal to do with trust issues.  We are in need of some serious help because I don't want to lose my love for a second time; but in the same regards, if the relationship proves that it can no longer be healthy we have to let go.  This morning, we had a lengthy discussion about the situation, and I admit it's like beating a dead horse, no resolve on my end because I'm still very skeptical of his intentions.

There are also times when I stay home and pass on hanging out with girlfriends because I want to spend time with him so we can have that closeness that I want in our relationship.  This is not healthy for either one of us.  Brian recently moved to where I was so we can be together.  He is out of his element and trying to make the best out of our current location; which I do admit is boring most times.  I cannot expect him to sit around the house for days and not want to get out and do things.  Most of his friends and family are in other areas.  This is my first time living with anyone, cohabitation is hard, but I have a hard time balancing 'us' time, 'me' time, and 'girl' time.

My resolve out of this whole situation would be to have a long-lasting and healthy relationship where we can grow together and evolve together but still maintain our identities.  I need to trust him and allow him to spread his wings without fear of him breaking that trust.  I cannot hold onto him so tightly and remain happy with him.  I believe a strong committment can come only if we learn to manage the relationship a little better.

I hope that working with a counselor will give both of us tools we can use to make it for the long haul.  I want to be able to go on trips with my girlfrieds, go to dinner with them, hang out with my man, go hang with my family, come home and spend family time with my daughter, and be a the career woman I want to be.  Why can't I have it all?  Insecurities...maybe; lack of trust...maybe?  But I do know this, I love Mitzi and I will always have her.  Now I have to learn how to foster healthy relationships with everyone in my life so that Mitzi can be a better person.

When to ask for help...

Hey everybody!
This has been a long few weeks for me and miss. I can't get right hurt her back on Sunday.  So I've been out of commission for a little less than a week now.  But this post isn't about my back or weight loss; it's actually a personal post about when to seek intervention. 
As you all know, I'm in a relationship with the love of my life and we have had our share of ups and downs, and after 11 years we still have the strength to keep going on this trip called 'love' together.

In 2009, we decided that we could actually be friends and stop bickering, for a change.  In 2010, we then decided that we would try this love thing again.  I was happy because after all, he was my soul mate.  I mean, we could joke together, laugh, play, be serious, have thought-provoking conversations...the list goes on and on!  I was ecstatic that we were back in each other's lives.  But as time went on, there were series of events that made us both question the decision to get back together.  We tried to put things in the past, let go, release tension and anger; but to no avail, it was a harder task than anticipated.  There always seemed to be a dark cloud following us and no matter how happy we wanted to be, it just seemed like we kept getting knocked back down. 

I must admit, I'm not innocent in this at all and neither is he.  Our communication is at a very low point, and that's something I NEVER wanted to experience.  I'd always hoped and imagine that good or bad we could at least communicate effectively to work through our problems.  After having the same discussions, over and over, I've decided to seek an intervention from an outside source....
Couples Counseling...

I know that Brian is not opposed to going, I'm just afraid that we will get there and he won't open up and take the counseling seriously in order for us to get moving in the right direction.  I really love this man, and the good times greatly out weigh the bad times, but in order to have more good times without this cloud, I think counseling would be best.