This is part Deaux of yesterdays blog post about when to seek help. That was a big step for me, since I was always aprehensive about seeking outside help for our relationship issues, but they have become too much for me to work out on my own. Not to go into the details about the problems we're having, but they have a great deal to do with trust issues. We are in need of some serious help because I don't want to lose my love for a second time; but in the same regards, if the relationship proves that it can no longer be healthy we have to let go. This morning, we had a lengthy discussion about the situation, and I admit it's like beating a dead horse, no resolve on my end because I'm still very skeptical of his intentions.
There are also times when I stay home and pass on hanging out with girlfriends because I want to spend time with him so we can have that closeness that I want in our relationship. This is not healthy for either one of us. Brian recently moved to where I was so we can be together. He is out of his element and trying to make the best out of our current location; which I do admit is boring most times. I cannot expect him to sit around the house for days and not want to get out and do things. Most of his friends and family are in other areas. This is my first time living with anyone, cohabitation is hard, but I have a hard time balancing 'us' time, 'me' time, and 'girl' time.
My resolve out of this whole situation would be to have a long-lasting and healthy relationship where we can grow together and evolve together but still maintain our identities. I need to trust him and allow him to spread his wings without fear of him breaking that trust. I cannot hold onto him so tightly and remain happy with him. I believe a strong committment can come only if we learn to manage the relationship a little better.
I hope that working with a counselor will give both of us tools we can use to make it for the long haul. I want to be able to go on trips with my girlfrieds, go to dinner with them, hang out with my man, go hang with my family, come home and spend family time with my daughter, and be a the career woman I want to be. Why can't I have it all? Insecurities...maybe; lack of trust...maybe? But I do know this, I love Mitzi and I will always have her. Now I have to learn how to foster healthy relationships with everyone in my life so that Mitzi can be a better person.
Let me start by saying the pictures from your iPhone suck. Nothing gets resolved by beating the dead horse. Oft times its hard to see where the other person is coming from because every situation is unique to the individual person and thus may require you to remove yourself from it. How we deal with difficulties is personal. Having someone that has no ties to what is going i.e a counselor is a good idea. It can serve also to create a I was right you were wrong situation. Fight the battles that deserve to be fought and pull back on those that only serve to create problems or are underlying issues of a bigger problem. In the end we have to determine if the issues can be resolved or if it is better to let it go and move on so that we can better human being not holding on to issues that destroy us little by little.
ReplyDeleteI think trust is a normal emotion and anyone void of it has other issues.
ReplyDeleteObviously like Brian said each situation is different for each individual...so I can only comment from my own experiences.
Do I trust my husband 100% heck no...not because he's ever done anything to make me distrust him but because he's 100% human and we can all make mistakes.
But I can't live my entire marriage revolved around trusting him or not trusting him.
I'm comfortable in accepting that his actions will directly reflect his respect for me. If he does something that shows disrespect then I have to accept it as that and decide "then" what I want to do.
I simply can't live my life waiting for something to happen....especially something that might NEVER happen.
@Brian - After sitting down and trying to figure out our issues and what we argue about; seems that we disagree on one thing only. It can be resolved but it's going to take some time for me to find comfort in it. Right now, things have yet to play themselves out and you know that I'm not a fan of patience. But in time, things will start to progress and hopefully so can we :)
ReplyDelete@ Brown English Muffin - Girl you hit the nail right on the head! I cannot live this whole relationship finding trust. I don't trust Brian, not as much as I would like. Sometimes it's hard for me to see things for what it is because I want to see what I want to see. He sees his future with me and I should see that as a positive thing but here I am focusing on the negative thigs. Hopefully with some hard work I can see past them and into a great future with my Boo-Thang (as Ro would say!)
~Toot